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The Man Without A Hat

by Silvia Hartmann

The Man Without A Hat

This story turned up in the warm up for the Google book (The Naked Writer) project.

It's amusing ...

Let’s just go …


… somewhere …

… I have never been before …

… but it is soothing …

… far away …


There are stars in the sky; alien stars I’ve never seen before.

There are moons in the sky; alien moons I’ve never seen before.

There are voices on the wind; alien voices, whispering, quiet choral interlacements, sweet and promiseful of so many new worlds, so many wondrous things I’ve never even dreamed about for I did not know how to dream …

Soft is the white sand, time sand, sliding through my hand.

I would love to tell a story.

Alright so ...


This is a story but not the story I'll be telling on Wednesday.


A short story about a man who did not have a hat.

He was very worried about this, because all the other men in the town had hats.

Great big tall ones, as tall as black chimney stacks.

Small green ones with many feathers.

Triangular golden ones with a big eye on top!

And loads and loads of other types ...

The man without a hat kept stroking his hair.

It was there, to be sure.

It felt softish, and quite nice to the touch.

But oh!

How he wished for a hat!

Any kind of hat ...

Even a small, tiny round one you could hardly see.

At first, he tried to get other men to give him their hats.

But of course, they only had one each so they wouldn't share.

He got so frustrated that he jumped on one, who had a big pink hat that looked remarkably like a penis and pulled it off the other man's head, and ran off with it, into the darkness.

He put it on.

He felt nauseous, instantly.

Everything looked different.

Where he had seen trees before, he now saw penises everywhere.

And when he spied a pink flower, perfectly innocent, a nice lotus blossom ...

He ripped the hat off his head and threw it to ground.

"What the FUCK!" he shouted out aloud, "That is total madness!"

It took a moment or two and he sighed a great sigh of relief as the trees returned to be just trees once more, and the flowers returned to being flowers.

"Phew," said the man and now started to worry seriously not just about all the other men who were wearing the penis hats, but what any of the other hats would do to him if he tried them out.

He kicked the stolen penis hat under a suitable bush, put his hands in his pockets and started to walk along the road.

A little while along, and he heard sobbing.

He looked into the ditch, and there was the man whose hat he had stolen, having a nervous breakdown.

"Nothing makes sense anymore!" the other man cried, "I'm going crazy! The world has gone mad and all is lost!"

The man without a hat, who was not the only man without a hat any longer, looked down at his victim and had many strange emotions.

But then he shrugged and walked away ...


Part 2


The man without a hat walked along the road for quite some time until he came across a group of young women who were carrying baskets filled with red, ripe berries.

They were laughing, their fine breasts were bouncing, their unbound hair was playing in the breeze and their bare feet shapely and interesting to behold.

The man without a hat realised that they were not wearing hats.

Now, you might think that this was a strange realisation to have; after all, he had grown up in this peculiar land and from a young age would have observed the boys being hatted in a grand ceremony at age 6, and the girls not being allowed such an enormous privilege.

Fact was, he had never really thought about it before the penis hat experience.

The girls laughed, giggled and pointed at him as they went by; normally, this would have caused the man without a hat much distress but today, he stood his ground and did not run away.

"Look at that!" one girl, a busty blonde cried out aloud, "I can see his hair! Oooh!!!" and all the girls set to giggling.

They stopped and surrounded him, and soon set to touching and stroking his soft brown hair and squealing in delight.

The man without the hat thought to himself, fuck me, I spy an opportunity here ...

He smiled at them all and asked them for their scrolls (in the days before mobile telephones, the ladies used to carry small scrolls with their addresses written out on them, just in case ...)

To his amazement, every single girl immediately dug in their skirt pockets and he got a scroll from every one!

And he got more!

With the competition on now, he got a touch on the arm and a smile with one scroll; with another, he got a pressing of the tip of breast against his back, and another produced a small kiss on his cheek.

Not to be outdone, the next girl, a lovely lass with deep brown eyes and long, straight brown hair, kissed him on the lips; and the last one, a fabulous red head with the most amazing ... eyes put her hand around his head, drew him close and kissed him so deeply that his legs went weak and he saw stars.

They giggled and went on their way; and the man without a hat sank into the soft grass on the verge and found he was breathing very, very deeply.

Oh ... my ... GODS, he thought to himself.

Could it be ..?

Could it be that without a hat ... he could ...???

Over the days, weeks, months, years, indeed, the decades, he tested this assertion many, many times and in so many different, inventive and innovative ways that women are a sucker for a man without a hat.

Indeed, he got such a reputation, not just in this land but all across the kingdoms, that some of the younger men started to wonder if this whole hatless thing as a total turn on was really true, and it happened that a few young randy bucks at first found the courage to take their hats off for a while.

As they were much younger than the first victim of the man without a hat, they only suffered madness for a few moments and the results of their explorations into living the hatless life spoke for themselves.

It didn't take long, and the younger generation was entirely hatless.

The old hat wearers tried to legislate against it; there were some arrests and token executions, but nature will find a way, as it does, and in the end, the days of wearing hats was over, once and for all, and a whole new dawn began for the land.

And in the major city, indeed, in all the towns and cities who could afford it, there were statues erected of the hatless man, paid for by the local Women's Institute.


---- The End ----


Reminder: Real Project starts Sept. 12

Main Novel Link Google Doc

Please note: this was just a bit of good clean writing fun.

I cannot promise that the actual novel will be fun.

It could be harrowing like LOTR ...

See you on Wednesday ... :-)

[wanders off to get a cup of coffee ...]



Update: This project was completed November 2012. Also known as the Naked Writer project, you can read the whole story about it here:

  by Silvia Hartmann
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"Project Sanctuary is an excellent resource for any explorer of the human mind, developed by one of the savviest people around. Highly Recommended!" Win Wenger, PhD

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