I have done quite a few art solutions for something like this, but not for self worth itself, because I didn't realise until just now that it actually goes much further than the art, much, MUCH further.
The art is just a nice symptom that is bright, colourful, attention seeking and reminding me constantly there's an issue here.
My head is going like a bag with a million cats in it, all trying to get out ...
What is the 1st Positive that can help us here?
My EM suggests, "Million Dollar Baby." What is that? Where does that come from? Is it a song? A movie? No idea. Oh well, I'll just do it and ask questions later ...
OK. Done that. Got some weird tingling in the hands and around the eyes. No idea what that was about. So, what's the next thing we need here?
Aah ... and now we want to play that game ... If your self worth was a place in time and space, what would be the time of day?
4am, before sunrise ... feels like early summer ... there is a shy moon in the dark blue sky low on the horizon over the hills ... oh and I can tell that this habitat has been stuck, thorougly, for a very long time. Nothing moves here. Nothing. Whispy bits of mist are static. I can see dew drops that fell from trees where I stand frozen in mid air. Not a breath of air, not a sound, not a leaf or a blade of grass is moving.
I start to move a little, and immediately notice that everything is very HARD here. Literally. The grass is like glass; it doesn't bend but shatters before and around my feet. But there is no sound. And the shattered pieces do not fall; they remain in mid air which is also most curious.
This whole scenario is beginning to remind me strongly of a soul pilot rescue mission and as I think this, I think I noticed a teensy movement in the shattered glass grass, or a reflection of something - the first hint of movement I've seen here.
So is there a lost soul or some other type of entity here that is holding this habitat together?
I slowly turn around, away from the pretty hill scene with the moon, in the opposite direction.
Behind me is a forest, illuminated most fascinatingly by the rays of the moon.
Frozen dewdrops glisten like stars; everything else is blue/black monochrome, and would make a fine and easy painting ... I smile to myself and start scanning for the presence of any thing or any body in those trees.
They become see through, become like glass, and clearly reveal a fire shine of white, that is not a reflection of the moon, but a light source in itself.
I shift and glide smoothly through the trees, straight to the white light, and move into a clearing where a small figure in a white dress sits on the ground, the dress spread around her so she looks like a flower.
It is a child that I do not recognise as any aspect of mine, perhaps 7 years old, looks like a ballerina with her hair pulled up high and tight, and her skin is white, and it glows from within.
She is as frozen as all things are here, looking straight ahead, her hands clasped in her lap. There is sparkling dew on her lashes and on her dark hair, on her dress.
I move in front of her and try to catch her eye, but she doesn't see me. I clear my throat, which produces no sound at all, so we won't be speaking or singing here, either. I slowly move around her and am quite captured by her grace and beauty. Some past aspects would have gladly sould their junior souls to be like her, to be her. Elegant, and graceful like a swan ... or a princess ...
The thought makes me smile.
Now, how can I reach you? I won't touch you, in case you shatter like the glass. Or perhaps I should touch you, and let you shatter into a million diamonds, that would be an evolution ...
I am curious what would happen if I did, and decide to play with that idea, why not, in Sanctuary we can reverse time and put her back together, try something else instead ...
I reach out and touch her lightly on the forehead, with an outstretched fingertip. Straight to the 3rd eye point, but instead of meeting icy resistance, my finger enters straight into her skull, like dipping your finger into a cool pond, a most curious sensation. I keep going until my entire hand is inside the girl's skull, and there I feel something solid. I close my hand around it and pull it out, and as I do, the entire figure collapses hyperfast into a shining silver liquid, which drains immediately into the meadow and is completely gone less than one thousands of a second later.
I examine my hand. It is perfectly clean, no little-girl-goo stuck to it, which is nice. I open my fingers to see a diamond, but not faceted, smooth it is like a river rock, but with a shining star inside.
It's a beautiful gift, and I close my hand around it, close my eyes and hold it to my heart.
I always wanted a star diamond ...
No really. I remember always wanting one, for as long as I can think back.
I feel a tremendous sense of peace and happiness, a huge sigh of, "Thank GOD for that ... finally ..." and, "I had nearly given up hope ..." and "No, I never did, not really ..." and I'm starting to smile, through and through.
Something touches my face and startles me aware. I open my eyes, and I am standing in a forest clearing, and there is sound, wondrous rushing from the trees, and creatures of the night. The wind has touched my face, moist with early morning mists, and the sky above is a shade bluer now, and I can see small clouds in banded formations drifting by.
A bird cries and flutters up from a tree. I watch its silhoutte take flight until I can't see it anymore.
The habitat is alive. Soon, the sun will rise for the first time in forever, and life will flow forward as it was always designed to do.
I have my star diamond.
I take it in both hands, admire it one more time for its flawless, eternal beauty, then I close my eyes, take a deep breath and let it dissolve into my heart.
Originally posted in Modern Energy Art Masters Course Group, September 18, 2019