Dream Lovers & Autogenic Relationships

We have learned by now that we have a range of needs that cannot actually be fulfilled in the Hard, but are and always were energetic in origin and need to be addressed energetically. This is an essay of unfulfilled human relationship needs and how to go about making use of the human ability to create neurosomatic responses - in other words, how to make all parts of you be happier and give you what you really need, through the medium of the Dream Lover.

Dream Lovers

(Why Autogenic Relationships Give You Wings!)

If it is the first or the last thing people do when they start to play the Sanctuary Game in earnest, sooner or later we will get some form of love and or sex turn up.

After all, what are sexual fantasies? Romantic daydreams? 

What happens when you do those, and how are they different from actually interacting in a Sanctuary habitat with those energies we call in and which present themselves in metaphorical form?

I have profoundly misunderstood how sex et al works at the Sanctuary realm levels for - well for as many years as I have been engaging in various fantasies, ideas, role plays, game plays and true blue triple x rated activities "in my head".

I have profoundly misunderstood it as being second best and indeed, some form of admission of failure to be doing this in the first place.

This is based on deep societal conditioning that, quite regardless of whether or not you were a child of the 60's or you grew up in the strictest of Mormon communities, is in full on effect and action across the globe and rests of a number of taboos, principles and a great many misconceptions and scare stories about the nature and expression of sexuality and romantic love.

When we enter the Sanctuary spaces, we take this conditioning with us, of course, and here it interferes with what we manifest and what games we play in the most profound way, of course.

Even when the "counteractive" sanctuary features kick in and present us with situations, set ups and characters that we didn't call upon and did not expect, our reactions to these developments hog tie and warp, displace and distort any further ongoings.

Now, let's back up here and consider the phenomenon of stigmata.

This is when a very religious (Christian) person manifests real wounds in the palms of their hands and in their feet, corresponding to the nails used to affix Mr. Jesus of Nazareth to the cross.

This particular physical manifestation is very well known and very documented across the ages and including with photographs and video tape in these latter days and ranges from what looks like scars to full on open wounds that bleed profusely and cannot heal, no matter how many antibiotics or bandages are employed.

It is an example of a neurosomatic manifestation. I prefer the term neurosomatic to psychosomatic which you might be more familiar with as it does not carry with it the "stigma" of someone just being insane or making it all up; a neurosomatic manifestation is simply a physiological occurrence *in the absence of a material influence which could have caused it*.

At my very first hypnotherapy training, I saw a woman's hand turn red and the skin begin to bubble as she thought of being burned.

It shocked me profoundly and I have never forgotten this.

Our minds and bodies can and do manifest instantly changes in the physiology in the absence of any kind of "real" fire, real nails or real anything being there to cause it - that is the core of neurosomatics and a fascinating field it is, in every way.

Now, let us switch back to Project Sanctuary.

As you will know, the more you engage with the Sanctuary processes and the more real they become, the more effects they have on you and your entire neurology, and this includes the more effective they become on your body as the neurosomatic manifestations kick in.

You may be familiar with autogenic training techniques, also sometimes used for weightloss and other types of performances, whereby the person who seeks to perfect a skill or improve their fitness levels vividly imagines exercising, or scoring the perfect goal, or diving the perfect dive.

There is a world of research into the phenomenon of how autogenic training techniques physically and actually improve a person's performance in the hard, right down to such a person having physically acquired extra muscle tissue, lost weight and indeed, manifested a variety of physiological, measurable changes in their body composition and chemistry.

The core principle, just to state it clearly here, is that when events are created in the neurology, the body responds to this as though they were happening in actuality - and the more intense, or real, if you will, the neurological event can be made to be, the more direct the effects become on the physical body.

So let us stop for a moment and consider the uses of this simple principle in terms of practicalities.

When I was a beginner at hypnosis, I caused a friend of mine to get sick for a fortnight because I told him at the beginning of the session that he was asleep on a night beach but failed to instruct his neurology to keep him warm and comfortable. 

The induction was an hour but in the mind space, over 8 hours had passed on a freezing cold beach and this person was stone cold, shaking with cold, near hypothermia when I finally got him out.

Blankets and rubbing and hot cups of coffee did little to make matters any better and he went home and duely, got a serious cold two days later. 

This person, in the hands of a total beginner at hypnosis, got hypothermia in a warm room.

The opposite of this are those Tibetan monks, who, as a part of their initiation rites get to sit on a glacier with freezing soaked bed sheets wrapped around them, to dry them with their body heat, and then they can go home.

Basically and at the most basic level, a control over ones neurology in that way overrides external occurrences entirely - being hot or cold is a very, very simple example of a realm of possibilities that reside in the simple fact that neurosomatics create a physical reality for the body in which we live.

Simply put, you can exercise better and harder and faster than any athlete could for real in the Sanctuary realms. 

And, to bring us back to the original topic of this story, you can have sex in Sanctuary and experience all the releasing, relaxing, healthful effects this natural occupation for which our bodies are set up in exactly the same way.

How To Make Neurosomatics Work

Now, the monks and the eastern athletes spend a lifetime practising their version of autogenics and they get reasonable results.

The rest of us can manifest neurosomatics as a byline to misery and sometimes, to joy and happiness as well but the whole thing is completely out of control and left to chance and accident.

Clearly and irrefutably, there is the central link of making so real it becomes reality for the entirety of the neurology.

That is what creates the measurable results, that and that alone.

When someone first starts playing in the Project Sanctuary spaces, dabbling with bits here and there, there is very little difference between that and just a bit of off handed day dreaming.

However.

When someone does it more, pays more attention, takes the processes and the habitats and the developments just a little bit seriously, Project Sanctuary makes a quantum shift in *how real an experience it becomes*.

People who have been doing it for a while know this very well.

Nicola, for example, re-created her father's funeral in Sanctuary. As an experienced PS player, it became very real indeed and in fact, it is difficult for her now to get a sense of the original, real funeral in the Hard as being any realler in any way than the actual Sanctuary event.

It is at this reality point that the true benefits of Sanctuary become revealed.

It is here that we are now talking that all important bridge into neurosomatics, a place where not just the energy states are deeply affected by what you do in Sanctuary, but the physicality follows suit immediately - with pheromones, with hormones, with heart rate, with alleviation of symptoms, with practically measurable changes.

So the question must be, how can we make Sanctuary manifestations so real that they have an immediate knock on effect on the energy system and the physicality, the neurology and indeed, what I call the totality - all the many bits on all the many layers and levels that make up a human being?

What has to happen for this to be so, to become so, and in doing so, actually get to be *in charge of what happens to our totality* and *entirely regardless of the actual presentations of the hard* in which we find ourselves at any given point?

What has to happen is that one does it *wholeheartedly* - engages in the process totally, without reservations, without holding back, without arguing with it, without putting shields around certain parts of the self which sit there and go, "Oh its just a fantasy, nothing real here ..."

That is what blocks true neurosomatic manifestations to take place and for Sanctuary to become as incredibly effective as it actually can be to alleviate all sorts of needs, wants, survival necessities for an individual in their totality.

And here's the revelation about "sex and love in the sanctuary".

I have never been able to do any Sanctuary relationship of that nature wholeheartedly. I have always had strong reservations about all of them and encased and enclosed them, stepped them off and physically prevented from ever becoming too real, too all encompassing.

Here are my major reasons for doing so in hindsight.

The first one and for me, the most important one, was the societal entrainment that there is something seriously wrong with you when you have invisible friends.

Consider, for a moment, a typical American moms and dads response to the discovery that their five year old son has an "invisible friend".

With or without the help of a handy psychiatrist or psychologist, the first response is a heartfelt "Oh no!!!" - clearly, there's something seriously wrong with this kid, they probably have misformed societal peer bonding structures because they should be having *real* relationships with *real* kids instead.

The next step will be to wean that kid off their invisible friends as quickly as possible. Now the kid will probably resist this, and if the parents/psychologists involved are a bit kindly, they will plot to do this "gently and over time" - perhaps even "playing along a little" to keep rapport with the kid, but absolutely dead set on the long term iron goal of mental and societal health and acceptance, namely the place where there are no more invisible friends AT ALL but only lots and lots of real ones to make sure the kid is popular and happy.

That's the baseline blocker to all Sanctuary type relationships and is played out in every home around the Western world over weaning the kids off having relationships with teddy bears, their skate boards or their ponies and into "real relationships" as quickly as possible.

But now, puberty looms and we get into the territory of sexual fantasies, where exactly the same contortion that applies to teddy bears and invisible friends exists just the same.

Sexual or relationship "fantasies" are the societally held hallmarks of those who are unsuccessful at real relationships - those failures, "wankers" who no-one wants, who are deficient, unattractive, undesirable.

Indeed, by the very act of engaging in such "fantasies", most guiltily and never talked about, hidden behind vaguely acceptable activities such as hero worship or being a member of a fan club (but even that is already very dodgy behaviour and not one expected from either homecoming king or queen!), is by now a clear sign to the person themselves who are engaging in these activities that they are indeed, "losers in the hard".

So, sexual and relationship "fantasies" have big time stigmata attached to them, even and especially for the person who engages in them.

In the 19th century societies, it was held to be terribly bad to masturbate and so people didn't for real and true fear that they would go insane and to hell. 

They didn't and as a result, would "spasm" - uncontrollable outbursts of sexual feelings, orgasms or activities, often during sleep for the lucky ones but sometimes in the street or in society which would lead to spending the rest of their lives in an institution. Others would sublimate instead into severe neuroses and the most severe neurosomatic illnesses and diseases possible, and some would turn rapists, sadists or simply go insane.

Nowadays, we don't spasms so badly anymore, and yet at more subtle level, these same problems are still in action. This is not just so for sexually related manifestations but for a great many others such as personal power and creativity; but the topic of this article is sexuality and the merits of being able to have perfectly healing autogenic sexual and love relationships in Sanctuary; to avoid "real time" spasming, insanity or sublimation into illness on the one hand, and to be able to run an overall totality where all needs and survival needs at the energetic level are entirely fulfilled.

Autogenic Relationships - The Rules

Now what would happen if one was to make a conscious effort to understand the following real and logical rules relating to this system?

These are the rules.

1. There exist sexual and sexual relationship needs in every single human, no matter how gloriously satisfying a "hard" relationship they are in, which cannot be fulfilled "the hard way" because of the limitations of the societies and worlds we live in.

2. Not fulfilling these needs - these SYSTEMIC needs - leads to problems including inappropriate expression of energies that have nowhere to go as well as malnutrition situations on the other hand.

3. These needs can be completely fulfilled in Sanctuary, balancing the energy system perfectly and having direct repercussions on the physicality through the neurosomatic systems of the totality.

4. These needs and imbalances can only be corrected through the neurosomatic system and via Sanctuary experiences *if the go-ahead is given by the conscious mind to allow them to become entirely real*.

Overcoming Objections To Having Reality Fantasies

There are some core objections that get in the way of allowing oneself to have one's neurosomatic relationships be as profoundly real in every sense as the athlete's autogenic perfect goals he practices on a regular basis.

The first one is the "invisible friend" objection - namely that fantasies are second best to the "real" relationship.

The fact is that to try and milk any one "real" relationship for the wants and needs that specifically exist in any given single human being, shifting and changing as they do from moment to moment, from day to day, from year to year is to ask the impossible of any one single human being.

It is completely impossible in the hard to fulfill every want and need with, through and by a human being - it is a structural impossibility.

The promise of this or the expectation of finding one single other human being that can indeed fulfill all these multi-level shifting needs for the rest of your life is one of the very core reasons for millennia of suffering, misery and disappointment, of wasted lives waiting for "the one" who will make it all alright and most of all, for judging and condemning real people who have failed to make the impossible happen.

Every human being, from a Taoist monk to Don Juan, from mother-of-five to granddad, happily married for 64 years, from tough gang banger to a roman catholic nun has structural and energetic needs that can ONLY be fulfilled in ways that are other than human generated.

That's a simple fact and if we as a species would get our heads around this, a whole heap of suffering and misery would simply implode and cease to exist from this moment on.

"Invisible Friends" and "Fantasy Lovers" are not second best to real people at all - they are other altogether and serve completely different purposes in all ways; indeed they are by definition what makes a person happy and balanced enough to even be able to relate to people at all in the first place in many cases.

The next objection is that of "getting lost in fantasy" - namely that the fantasy will replace real people and real relationships and indeed, make the one who is engaging in these autogenic relationships incapable of having hard relationships with anyone.

This indeed, happens when someone makes a conscious decision to give up on hard relationships or hard people as a whole and withdraws entirely into neurosomatic or autogenic relationships instead.

However, to take these occurrences as a reason to declare autogenic relationships to be a bad thing and have them be forbidden would be to declare cooking utensils illegal because some highly disturbed and confused individuals use them for self mutilation.

You can kill yourself with Vitamin C or carrots if you overdose - but that is no reason to ban Vitamin C or carrots, for that matter.

As autogenic relationships are so deeply misunderstood and so strongly discriminated against by societal entrainment, this very entrainment forces people who have discovered the very real benefits of such relationships and with no hope or previous experience or indeed, help and logical advice on how to actually use autogenic relationships to have a better life all around, hard AND all the other levels, to make that choice of "either-or" in the first place.

Ordinary people - like we are - who are intelligent, rational and deeply committed to personal development and being the best we can be in this particular incarnation have no problems at all in understanding the differences between hard and autogenic relationships and allowing both to be the rightful sources of inspiration, lift, energy and experience in their rightful realms.

We can both deeply love our spouses and our children in every way and on every level AND have an intensive and intensely nourishing autogenic relationship with a Sanctuary lover or very many of them at the same time - indeed, it is my proposition that if we do, and do this deliberately and entirely consciously, we take a huge, huge burden off our existing relationships with the "real people" in our lives and find that it becomes very much easier to appreciate them, to love them and to find contact with them entirely satisfying and perfect too - because simply, we no longer have the false expectations and needs we thought we could fulfill through and by them when that was never a possibility in the first place.

What Autogenic Relationships Can Do For You ...

First of all, autogenic relationships, if conducted with absolute forethought and being very clear about the fact that you are doing more than making use of your neurology to balance yourself perfectly, put yourself into a better condition and making yourself far, far more effective in daily life, are deeply charging and energising.

If you noticed, there was a lot of disclaimers in that sentence above - "if conducted with forethought ..."

There is every world of difference in our neurology and in the resulting manifestations in thought, behaviour and physiology between creeping off to the bathroom, redfaced and ashamed, with a sex magazine under your arm for a bit of evil, sad, forbidden, guilty, shameful nastiness because you got the urge, and basically rubbing your hands with glee, looking forward to having a very cool and balancing necessary experience as you dance off with your sex magazine for a bit of much needed fun, rest and recharge.

This, in a nutshell, is the difference that needs to be achieved with autogenic love and sexual relationships in Sanctuary. For those amongst you who are baulking at the term "relationship", be restful in knowing that this relationship engagement with an autogenic lover may as be as brief as a nude model of your choice bending over a log before you get stuck in and vanishing immediately afterwards in a most satisfactory implosion.

If you can say, "Yes!!" to the entire autogenic experience, leave all thoughts of doubt and shame at the door completly and engage in these activities, these feelings, these contacts with your autogenic sex partners, lovers, romantic heroes, prostitutes, whatever willfully and totally positively in all ways, it WILL be a totally different experience and the results on the hard will be totally different in all ways as well.

We are not just talking about results on your own mind and body here in the way of more energy, more joy about being alive, more grinning to yourself and feeling better all over.

Consider this, for example. Have you ever known a person who was desperate for a "hard" relationship but couldn't even get the neighbourhood dog to take a sniff?

Then, miraculously, they did get into a relationship and all of a sudden, all sorts of people come out of the woodwork and making offers - including strangers in the street!

What do you think has caused this to happen?

Of course, they're happy. They're more relaxed, they are broadcasting desirability and health - it makes them a hundred times more attractive.

Can you create this effect with the help of autogenic lovers?

Of course you can!

If your autogenic experiences are real enough, your pheromones will broadcast your satisfaction at the most basic of hard, measurable levels for all to smell - for half a mile, if not more, even with our rather limited and most unconsciously routed sensors for smell.

But there is a lot - a whole lot! - more to achieving "in love states" with autogenic lovers.

We have, of course, talked about the balancing effects on your energy system, making it shine more brightly, and thus in and of itself becoming far more attractive to all and sundry.

Have you heard this one? Someone has a neat sexual experience at the weekend. Glowingly happy, they return to work the next day - and all of a sudden, their sales records goes through the roof.

I know of a woman who, after not being able to get a job for six month, aced three job interviews in a single day after a weekend with an Internet Romeo.

It's amazing what a little re-balancing of the energy system can do for you!

I bet you have in your memory banks examples of this - of how easy life was when you were in the first flush of romance, after a great outing to a dance club where you got flirted with or chatted up, of a time in your life where your relationships were great and everything just flowed happily. 

Is that sounding like something that might motivate you to have a real go at making a bright new start with your autogenic relationships?

To let go of all and every reason why they can't be completely real, completely energising, completely relaxing and taking that tension, stress and worry from your weary shoulders?

Why they can't be exactly what you have been waiting for, possibly for your entire life?

Completely real in all ways - yes, you were with three beautiful women and they absolutely DID admire you and wanted to please you totally, were totally delighted by what you had to give them in return and took it gladly?

Can you really allow yourself to have it be so, to understand that it is not or never second best to anything you might get up to in the Hard, but indeed, a foundation and springboard for all your activities in the Hard, from the energy level up?

If you can, I think I can promise in return that your days will be quite different in every way imaginable.

Have fun.

Allow yourself to make it really, really real.

You'll be surprised at what "autogenic relationships" can do for you.


Silvia Hartmann
04. 03. 03